loving-gradditudeloving-gradditude
ADHD Life Coaching for Teens, Parents and Those Recently Diagnosed with ADHD
Sessions via phone, Zoom or Skype
ADHD Balance
Dealing with COVID-19

Creating a Home Work Space for All Family Members: Finding Balance

To succeed during this chaotic time of social isolation as a result of COVID-19, it’s important that everyone understand this is NOT a vacation. However, even with everyone homebound and having to work-live-learn-play in the same space, you can all have it all and find balance in your day!

Here are some tips on how you can proactively create the space and balance so everyone in your ADHD family can be productive, efficient, get their work done and have fun along the way!

And that all starts with a plan!

Did you catch my other videos on staying sane during the COVID-19 social isolation?

Establishing Boundaries: When your home is now a living space + office + classroom with many moving parts

Building Your Space: To accommodate people working, learning, relaxing and living all day long.

 

Read More
social isolation
Dealing with COVID-19

Creating a Home Work Space for All Family Members: Building the Space

There’s no doubt your home space has changed with the new rules of ‘social isolation’ that has come with COVID-19. Everyone is home ALL THE TIME which means you need to change that living space to accommodate people working, learning, relaxing and living all day long.

In this video, I share how you can shift your mindset to build and restructure your home to make it all happen!

Watch my other videos for staying sane during social isolation:

Establishing Boundaries: When your home is now a living space + office + classroom with many moving parts

Finding Balance – So everyone in your ADHD family can be productive, efficient, get their work done and have fun along the way

Read More
boundaries
Dealing with COVID-19

Creating a Home Work Space for All Family Members: Establishing Boundaries

I’m a tip kind of person so I’ve created a series of videos to help you reduce the stress, overwhelm, confusion and uncertainty of how you can adapt to the new logistics in your ADHD home and world due to COVID-19.

This first video focuses on establishing boundaries when your home is now a living space + office + classroom with many moving parts.

Spend 6 minutes to learn how you can set everyone up in your family to remain respectful, sane and succeed!

Some other videos to help you stay sane during the COVID-19 social isolation:

I mentioned Front Loading and click here to learn more about how you can prepare your family.

Here’s some help on how to manage transitions during these turbulent times.

Finding Balance – So everyone in your ADHD family can be productive, efficient, get their work done and have fun along the way

Building Your Space: To accommodate people working, learning, relaxing and living all day long.

 

Read More
Teen Mental Health
Raising Teenagers, Uncategorized

Does Your Teen Need a Mental Health Day?

Pull up a chair and let’s talk about your teen’s mental health during these final months of school…

It’s that time of year where students, and maybe even teachers, need a little extra boost to get them through the end of the school year, yes?  I think we all get a bit of Spring Fever and long for a much-deserved summer break. And while everyone may be ready to turn in their backpacks for swimsuits, it’s also the time to buckle down and pull up any grades that are not where students want them to be.  

So while you’re dreaming of sunscreen, take a look around – your teen may be in a crisis mode working to finish strong which feels next to impossible when they are maxed out, taxed out, emotionally and physically spent.  

But do. not. panic. 

This is ALL perfectly normal.  It’s to be expected.  

And in fact, now that you know it’s coming, you can prepare and front load your children so they are ready to end the school year strong!]

Here’s what happens each year about this time in my house: we have a teen mental health day…

Our boys take a day away from school and catch up on work at home.  Notice I didn’t say take a break from school. No, I said take a day away from school…big difference.  

When we give our boys this day to work from home on their projects, studying, etc., I find their mental health is positively affected.  They get a chance to sleep in a bit longer and work refreshed and recharged. We let them know stress happens, help them identify when they need some self-care — and give them permission to follow through with it.

Will one day really make a huge difference?  Maybe, maybe not.

But by allowing this possibility in your child’s life, it can yield great rewards.  I’m NOT advocating for multiple days off school (unless they are sick, of course!), I am advocating for the self-care and well being of the student… the emotional state of affairs of our teenagers is critical to their success in school and life!  It’s important they know what they need, when they need it and allow them the space to be productive and responsible. Let’s not underestimate their long days and all the work that comes their way.

After all, don’t businesses allow this for their employees?  Adults get personal time to use when needed — so why don’t we allow / accommodate / advocate a teen mental health day for our children when they are tapped out and in a state of overwhelm?  

Knowing when a teen mental health day may be needed could be tricky because these are teenagers we’re talking about.  Sometimes they don’t recognize their own stress levels until they’ve reached a critical point.  Or they don’t let you in and share their emotions. Or sometimes, yes, your teen may be playing with you to get the day off.

So here are some warning signs your child may be overwhelmed with school and may need a mental health day: 

  1. Irritable with school work (well, perhaps I should say MORE irritable than normal?)
  2. Slow decline in motivation since the beginning of the year
  3. Lack of intention
  4. Distractibility
  5. Decrease in caring about work
  6. Procrastinating on work that they used to do quickly
  7. Homework not being turned in on time (or at all!)
  8. Projects not started until the 1-2 days before
  9. Craving more sleep
  10. Grades are slowly getting worse
  11. Not bringing work home
  12. Doesn’t want to talk about school
  13. Becomes reclusive

If you’re answering check, check, check…consider giving your teenager a mental health day on a day that works best for them (ie one where there isn’t a test they will have to make up).  Help them determine what they need to get back on track.

Remember, our goal is to raise self-aware, resilient, emotionally strong, healthy and happy young people who can go out into the world and advocate, know what they need when they need it and honor this within themselves!

With Much GrADDitude (and an emotionally happier child),

Kelly

 

Have you or your child taken the quiz to find out your biggest ADHD challenge?  Click here!

Read More
ADHD relationship
OWN Your ADHD

Why My ADHD Marriage Works So Well

10 is the number.  It’s my number with my ADHD husband…with the Love of my Life in my ADHD marriage.  And, yes, I keep score, so I know the number is 10.

There seems to be a running joke in our home…Who have I asked a question to the most and how many times have I asked it?  It’s always my husband and 10 is the number.  What does the number 10 mean?  

10 = The amount of times I ask him before WHAT I ask him about actually GETS DONE.

Now, hold your britches… did I say I like the number 10?  Quite the opposite, actually.  But, I’ve come to accept it… come to accept and allow 10 to have space in my mind and thoughts.  We DO decide how thoughts dwell in our mind…yes?  And what we decide to give life to and not?  Yes?

Besides, he is the Love of my life and I chose him and this ADHD marriage and he chose me, with all our imperfections.

Perhaps I should change my language around how I ask him, I wonder at times?  I do, of course, when something actually needs to get done or those instances when we are under time constraints, OR when I’m just in a really crabby mood and he senses my tone and completes it before I get to 3. 

You see, I made a choice a LONG time ago that I wasn’t going to allow his “lesser strengths” to get in the way of his really awesome strengths.  Imagine if I didn’t have this outlook or attitude and constantly focused on what wasn’t being done and having a continuous negative story about him running through my head.    

Imagine, also, if he allowed my desperate need for order and structure to infiltrate our relationship – how would that run in his head?

Where would our ADHD marriage be?  If I got stuck on the 5-10’s in our conversations and the “to-do” lists of life and only focused on this?  And he got stuck on how structured and regimented and orderly I am?  What a barrier, right?  

(OK, fine… full disclosure there were a few times my kettle burst open and you can be assured the task that was now at 5 was getting completed…by day end…sometimes even by hour end!  I DO have my limits and my breaking point! You happy now?)

The stories in my head I choose to focus on go something like this:

“It will get done when it’s important to him.”  “I trust him to handle this when he is ready to.”  “Maybe this isn’t as important as I’m making it out to be.”  “What is he thinking of me?” “ What are his stories that are on constant re-play about me?”

One time (VERY recently!) the time from asking once and getting to the 10, took 3 whole years to complete!  3 YEARS!  And then, boom!  We got it done.  BUT, there was a process to what we needed to complete (one I didn’t understand until it was all over) and until it mattered to him, it was dead in the water.

Clearly, I am NOT a nagger.  Clearly, I have a ton of patience and grace.  Well, so does he…with me.  He showers me with so much patience and grace…actually, more than I do him, if truth be told.  Remember, those with ADHD don’t hold onto stuff – they move on and are exceptionally forgiving.  Me?  Not so much, as you’ve seen:  I keep score.  (NOT my finest trait and I work at it daily!) 

Being a neurotypical and being married to someone with ADHD is quite the task!  What I’ve learned is to focus and play to the strengths…for BOTH of us.  We play to one another’s strengths and we don’t set the other up to fail.  That’s how we succeed – we refuse to allow the other to fail.  We are partners til the end…over the cliff with adoration and admiration for one another and we simply got each other’s backs.  

So how does our marriage thrive and survive with all it’s differences?   

Here are a few examples of how we succeed and our mindset with one another:

He is a last minute guy.  I’m well planned.  We meet someone in the middle.

He likes spontaneity, I love a planned out calendar.

When we wrote our Marriage vows of Loving and Living, we agreed to a calendar that is “subject to change”.  

He works at night.  I shut down after 8pm.  He’s tucking me in at 8pm so I can read and have quiet time and SLEEP.  

He can stroll through the grocery store with no plan and “come up with” ideas for dinner.  I fall apart without recipes.

I run the house.  He makes sure I’m ABLE to run it well!

You cannot see the surface of his desk.  Everything is in its place on mine.

Do I try and change this?  Absolutely not!  (Although I’m always dying to get my hands on his stuff!)  There is no way MY way would ever work for him.  NOR would HIS way work for me.  I’m sure he’d love to get his hands on my neatly stacked, very small, organized piles and turn me upside down!  

He has 75 tabs open at the bottom of his laptop to “keep track of” what he is working on.   I have everything closed with only 2 tabs open at a time.  More than that, I shut down!

When he’s cramming, he focuses like it’s no one’s business: when he needs to, what needs to get done, when it’s important – he is a last minute kind of dude.  Me: what’s cramming?

Do I have to remind him (quite frequently) to put the “Father Hat” on and take off the “Business Hat” because he is so engrossed in his work?  Yep! I do.  And, I don’t take it personally.  He just needs that gentle reminder.  Does he remind me to relax and unwind and take it easy?  Yep!

Do we have to review what’s happening in our week, multiple times throughout the week?  Yep, because he needs repetition and a lot of reminders because there is so much happening in his mind.  Well, I’ve got him covered and got his back with all things happening in our life. 

Does he forget things?  Yep!  But not because he wants to.  I received a voice mail from him the other night.  As I was listening to it, I knew he forgot something that was happening with our boys that very night.  When I called him out on it, his response was, “I’m sorry, I was too focused on hearing your voice and talking with you that it slipped my mind.”  How can I possibly be upset about that?  

He needs text reminders.  Talking through it doesn’t work…and we have learned that the hard way.  He needs things in writing.  I need to hear it and write it down.

Are we normally on time?  Most times early, in fact, because he knows how important being on time is to me. 

Have we ever missed a flight due to our own fault?  Nope.  We are equally yoked when it comes to time! 

Does my 10 get done?  Yep.  When he is good and ready to do it.  Funny, sometimes it only takes 15 minutes to do what I’ve been asking him to do for 5 months. 

10 is my number.  My number with the man who makes me want no other.  The man who is the utter breath I breathe. The man who is gracious, giving, compassionate.  The man who sacrifices so much for our family.  The man who is full of wisdom, humor, care, grace, kindness and strength.  That’s my number and that’s my man.

 

Read More
ADHD Strategies

The 1 Question I Ask Myself Each Day

  • LovingGrADDitude
  • February 1, 2020

We are all busy.  We all have a LONG to-do list, which continues to be added and subtracted to.  We all feel the pressure to get everything done. Sometimes this pressure becomes stress and then where does that lead?  Nowhere good, that’s for sure!

What I’ve come to realize is: there are certain times of the day when I get a ton done and other moments where I linger, jumping from one thing to the next with no real agenda, getting nothing accomplished…and the end product is a not so good feeling of disappointment.  Anyone relate?  

Over these past few months when my plate has been quite full (SELF IMPOSED AND LOVING IT – NOT COMPLAINING!), I started using a trick to get more done so I could end my day with a better feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction..and it just might work for you!

Here’s what I did:

I asked myself one question as I planned my day (and, in all honesty, I began asking it MANY times…in the same day)!

You see, questions are the main conduit of the coach-client relationship.  I ask a ton of questions throughout our professional relationship with the intent of the client arriving at solutions and clearer understanding.  Yielding great results, it’s a very productive process! 

So it would only make sense that I began asking myself questions when it came to my own professional day, right?  I mean really, how could I NOT coach myself and begin asking the tough questions?

I’ve, thankfully, not had any issues or challenges with prioritizing.  My biggest obstacle was time and how I was using it. So, in true coach fashion, I ask myself this one question…and it’s been a life changer:

What is the Best Use of my time, RIGHT NOW?

The “right now” part is crucial!!!!  Why? Because it breeds awareness of time!  It is present! It is real! It is something that you can control!  

Time is one of the most challenging “challenges”, if I may, of ADHD.  While I am a neurotypical, I still struggle at times with how to best use time.  

I DO know how long something takes, I DO know how to prioritize but if I don’t use the time I have “right now” in the most productive way, nothing will get done…OR something will begin and then won’t have an end to it.

So I ask myself often things like: How much time until my next client?  Do I have enough time “right now” to get this item done? 

This question can be used NOT just in the office setting, but also personally.  If there are phone calls to make, or errands to run, or carpools or practice to sit in, and you have an hour window until pick up?  

Ask yourself: What is the best use of your time during these events?  Can you get a quick grocery store run in? Can you return a call?  Can you take a few minutes to decompress and turn it all off? How can you be most productive, RIGHT NOW…in the moment…in the next 15, 30, 60 minutes?

With my 2020 intention of working smarter throughout my day, this is the one question that I continuously ask myself.  It’s made an incredible impact on my work and I plan better (yes, believe it or not, I want to plan better!), I’m getting things checked off, I’m feeling like I have time for myself throughout the day (remember you are #1.  ALWAYS.) and I feel like I’m making time work for me vs. being beholden to it.

So, use this question like I do and challenge yourself to understand what all can be (or not!) done RIGHT NOW.  It’s a game-changer!!!

Read More
own your ADHD
OWN Your ADHD

OWN Your ADHD

31 Days have elapsed in this new decade and I’m wondering how many of you are STILL sticking to your resolutions, intentions, goals, (whatever you’ve named it!) for 2020? Hands raised? Hands lowered? How’s it going?

 

I. AM. STILL. GOING. STRONG!

And it feels GREAT to commit to something every day so far!

 

I highly encourage you to NOT give up on something you’re wanting to do for yourself!

 

One of the things I say to my clients all the time is:

“Don’t let yourself down!”

 

Don’t do it! Stick to your guns and remember the importance of why you decided to want to do these things. Don’t allow yourself to be deterred (or get in your own head!) because it seems too high a goal or something that was just too far fetched.

If you’re reading this and you have challenges with ADHD and Executive Functions, I am here to share with you –> I am fully engaged this month on HOW to best support you! How to stay on task, How to get projects and to do lists done and NOT be beholden to all the negative stuff that comes into your thoughts that deter you from being awesome!

 

This month it’s all about OWNING your ADHD!

 

Yep! I’m making this the month to share how you can be more productive, accountable, and manage time all the while bringing an understanding of ADHD into your world as to WHY you may not be able to stay motivated.

 

Anyone bored with their goals yet?  Anyone not feeling motivated?

 

AHHH…I’ve got you! Stay with me and follow me on Social Media – INSTAGRAM OR FACEBOOK – so you don’t miss any of the goodness coming your way!

Make February YOUR month to OWN your ADHD..like the rock star that you are!

Kelly

Read More
adhd organized
Organization

4 Steps to Get ADHD Organized

I love to clean, file, purge, fold, re-organize and create more space in our home.  My mind thrives in order and if things aren’t in place, I feel as if I’m not in MY place: my happy, calm and peaceful place, that is.   

(As I’m typing this and walking through in my mind how I organize, I realize my heart flutters a bit more and races when my house is not in order.  Anxiety over disorder? I suspect so!) 

So it’s inevitable that during the Christmas and New Year season you will find me reorganizing shelves, taking everything out of drawers or closets and making it all look nice again.  Maybe even re-doing something I just did so it fits better!  

In order to be successful and get into the “mood of organizing,” the following are a few steps I take to begin (and stay on) any organizing task!

1. Set the Mood / Atmosphere!

Why is this important?  I need to be mentally ready, interested, focused and determined to begin something or there is a high probability it will not get completed!  I can’t just start something on a whim (sometimes it takes me days or weeks to get my head around organizing – what takes me from thought to action is when  I “just can’t take it anymore!”). I have to be in the right mood and this begins with getting my atmosphere ready. 

What’s my atmosphere, you may ask?  

A cup of hot green tea, TV (hardly even watch it, just listen) or Alexa playing music in the background.  Or maybe I listen to a podcast… depends on the location of the room and the length of the task.

2. Tools, Glorious Tools!

I always, always, ALWAYS ensure I have all the tools I need before I even begin my organizing. 

Tools?  Yes, tools.  People with ADHD often start in the middle of a project without thinking through what they’ll need to complete the task at hand.  

And when the tools are not in place, the ADHD brain shuts down because the task at hand is too hard and long and they don’t know where to begin. (True?  Lightbulb moment here? Did you just have an “A-HA” moment?) 

Therefore, offices have even more piles on them, kitchens are aghast with containers covering the countertop, and closets are jammed and crammed, with nowhere to throw anything accept on top of the heaping pile of clothes already there!  (I won’t even address playrooms!)  

The result: very little gets accomplished when it needs to.  

So in order to begin a project, you must think through ALL you’ll need to complete the project.

Things like: Plastic bags for trash, files, folders, tabs, pens, pencils, hangers, paper, boxes, containers, stamps, iron, folding table, tape, etc.  

And yes, that may mean you need to take a quick run to Staples or Walmart or Target or The Container Store (my bff!) for supplies!  But do not let that deter you! Once all the tools are in place, you will be good to go and you won’t have an excuse to not get it done!   

3. Break it down!

Some organizing tasks take time and can be overwhelming.  Things like your dining room covered with bills needing to be sorted and filed and left there for days on end. Or a kitchen that has all the plastic containers out of the drawers because you cannot find the lids!!!   

To tackle these tasks, break them down and take small piles at a time.  Set reasonable and attainable stopping points so you don’t become weary and not complete all the filing.  Use timers if you have to!  

Figure out what is YOUR way to best accomplish the task from beginning to end! 

4. The End Game!

Taking the mindset that for everything there is a beginning, a middle and an end — what is your end game?  

Maybe you just want to organize your papers and put them in piles.  Maybe the end game is to put all the papers away in a file cabinet. Maybe your end game is to just hang clothing instead of folding them.  Know your end game and this will make the task at hand attainable!

Bonus: 5 Questions About Stuff in Your Space

Often one of the things that stop us from successfully organizing our SPACE is feeling overwhelmed with what to do with all the STUFF.

Now if you signed up for my Holiday Survival Guide last month, you know I break my thought process down into questions and bullet points as this is how my mind functions. 

So, in staying with true Kelly fashion, when I organize, I look at the whole space and ask myself a few questions:

  1. What is used most often? (think accessibility)

  2. What will fit here the best? (think best use of space)

  3. Can I condense something? (think add more space)

  4. What is the best use of this drawer, cabinet and shelf?  (think functionality)

  5. How much time am I committing to this and what can I reasonably get accomplished? (think succeed and complete project)

If you’d like to know more about me and keep up with me on Social Media, here is where you can find me and become a member of my community:

www.LovingGrADDitude.com

[email protected]

IG: @lovinggradditude

FB: @lovingradditude

Here’s to a Happy Organizing New Year!

Kelly 

ADHD Life Coach, CALC

Read More
#somethinggood2020
#somethinggood2020

#SomethingGood2020 – Join Me!

Happy New Decade!!

WOW!  Can you believe?  A new decade has begun!  Thank you for “ringing it in” with me!  So, what now? Do you make resolutions? Are you a goal setter?  Or is the New Year just another day in the life?  

I’m doing something I’ve never done before!  I’m challenging myself to share #somethinggood2020 every day for 365 days!  

“What? Are you crazy?” you ask.  

Yep, I’m going to share something in my life each day that is Good.  With you. 

Have you ever committed to something for an entire year?  Aside from eating, sleeping, breathing and taking care of my personal needs, I cannot raise my hand on this one, but that’s about to change!

What have you done each day every day for one year?  

Well, here’s your chance to join me!  5 minutes or LESS is what I will be spending on my “good” each day.  No excuses! Make it easy! We ALL have 5 minutes to share and maybe make someone’s day, right????    

Maybe it’s a campaign, maybe it’s a movement (that would be awesome!). There is NO right or wrong!  If you feel every day is too much, what about once a week? You could walk around your house or scroll through articles or find pictures, or know people you’d love to share – 53 things are not that difficult?  What about 365 things?

I could walk around my house and list 365 things that are good to me right now!  Don’t you think I’m not going to be sharing appliances! Where would I be without the ease of slow cookers!  (Oh dear, I just gave you one of my “goods”!)

Join me – it’s easy!  Here are the steps:

  1. Post on social media and use #somethinggood2020 

  2. FOLLOW The hashtag #somethinggood2020 (just like you would follow a person)

  3. Tag @LovingGrADDitude in your posts so I can see what you share

  4. Follow #LovingGrADDitude

Can’t we ALL use a little good each day?

Here’s to finding your #somethinggood2020, 

Kelly

Read More
iACTcenter
Coaching

B.O.M.B. – iACTcenter

My first Business of the Month Blurb (B.O.M.B.) of 2020 is the International ADHD Coach Training Center or iACTcenter and its Owner and Founder, Laurie Dupar, PMHNP, RN, PCC.

What better way to kick off the #somethinggood2020 then to focus on my past and how I got to do what I do and be who I am today!   

I’m tickled pink to introduce you to Laurie Dupar, owner extraordinaire of the iACTcenter!  

I chose to do my ADHD Life Coach training with Laurie for MANY reasons… here are some to name a few:

  • Her program is accredited with the International Coach Federation
  • She allows full access to tools, tips and forms to support your coaching practice
  • The program incorporates training labs where students get to practice coaching techniques and listen to others as they coach (and listen when Laurie coached too!)
  • A jumpstart to getting your business up and running
  • Mentor hours toward your credential with ICF (included in the tuition)
  • Big community supporter for her graduates
  • Referral of clients
  • And def, last but not least…LAURIE!  She is a fabulous mentor, super supportive, amazing businesswoman (who doesn’t admire and secretly wish they could be like  a woman who was one of the first major influencers within the ADHD Coaching world?!) and she loves to see her students succeed and Go forth and “Be Amazing!”

Semesters start three times a year (January, May and September) and you can make a living while making a difference in the lives of people with ADHD in 12 months!

Want to learn more about the iACTcenter?  Click here!

Read More
1 2 3 … 5
ADHD challenge

Want to see if Coaching would be a good fit for you?

Click here to schedule a time for us to talk!


Schedule Now


Tiffany Schnur

So helpful! I always dread telling my son about a change in plans. Excellent approach.

Get 3 Strategies to Motivate Your ADHD Teen

Click Here

FOLLOW ME

CONTACT ME

[email protected]

WORK WITH ME

Sign Up for a Coaching Package

RECENT POSTS