There’s a reason why there are “self-care” posts everywhere you look on social media and self-care for teenagers with ADHD is equally important.
There’s a market for coaches who teach the self care – ADHD version because, unfortunately, we parents of ADHD teens don’t know how to practice it ourselves.
Part of adulting and prioritizing is understanding that there are things you can change about your life and things that are out of your control. This is even more important that we convey this to teenagers — they need to know the steps of managing internal and external factors of ADHD.
It’s June! It’s finally June!
I’m looking forward to a few things over the summer and I have some exciting changes happening that I want to share with you about LovingGradditude.
2020-2021 was a year of so much learning—for our teens, yes, but also for us parents. When parenting teens with ADHD, it’s important we as parents take time to relax, reflect and recharge.
Most of the time, our teens are living in an abstract world. That’s just the way the teenage ADHD brain works.
They have a bunch of vague ideas floating around in their heads, and it causes them a huge amount of anxiety because they aren’t sure what needs to be done, how long it’s going to take, and how to get real clear on what they’re going to do.
And as parents, we may not be the best of help, and we also question how to help….
Too often, we expect our ADHD teen to act like an adult.
The problem is… they’re just not.
They’re not fully independent yet. They don’t get to make a lot of decisions for themselves or have much space to call their own. Their brains are wired differently, and they haven’t fully developed yet. They have to answer to teachers, parents, and coaches, and sometimes they’re lacking the internal motivation to take ownership of it.
I’m not talking about misunderstanding their TikTok references… We all struggle with that 😂. I’m talking about really feeling like you’ve lost touch with your teen.
Maybe you’ve been getting a pass by having some small talk about school, work, chores, athletics, drama, friends… But you haven’t really connected with them on a deeper level in a while, and now you aren’t sure if they would even want to.
I would air on the side of caution and say—They probably do.
Whether they know it or not, they need connection with you because they have a lot more going on than school, athletics, friends, and chores.
The thing is, right now, they are deciding who they want to be and what kind of person they will become when they hit adulthood. There are influences and pressure everywhere, and your teen needs to talk with you in a safe space to feel grounded and make good decisions.
As a parent of a teen with ADHD, I’ve learned to just let the irony roll over me. It’s inevitable. You think you have something figured out about life and then your teenager presses the big, red ADHD button and flips your understanding of the world upside down.
It never made sense to me why my son had to study on the front porch with his loose papers flapping in the wind. Or why he could read his English homework better from upside-down on the couch. Or in what universe it made sense to blast his music while seemingly concentrating on Algebra.
How do I focus? Give me a nice quiet room with a tidy desk and a locked door. I have to eliminate all distractions to do my best work. But for ADHD: the distraction is the reward.
Do you know your teen’s love language?
My oldest son’s love language is acts of service (more specifically, when things are made neat and tidy for him).
Now, my kids do their chores. It’s their responsibility to clean their rooms, do their laundry, and take ownership of their space. But my son is currently juggling a ton of work with school, rehearsals 4 nights a week as he’s in 3 different performances right now, and he’s gotten behind on his linens and keeping up his laundry.
(If you know me at all, you know that I love to do laundry and have nice fresh linens on my bed… We’re a lot alike, he and I.)
So I had to make a choice. I could take the heaping pile of dirty laundry and make it about me. I could tell myself I’ve had enough to deal with these past few days and that I’m also handling a very overloaded work schedule. I could lay more responsibility on him and favor my own comfort over his stress level.
Or… I could reflect on the things he is doing well and the kind of person he is.
Only one of those options is going to result in a happy, healthy, collaborative relationship between me and my teen. I chose to use my teen’s love language to break the cycle of frustration.
I know, I talk a lot about the “small” problems – messy bedrooms, missed chores, trouble getting teens to sleep…
At LovingGrADDitude, I like to focus on the positive aspects of ADHD. We hear so much negative everywhere else that I just want to shine a spotlight on the helpful and the hopeful over here.
But, what about you parents who have bigger things to worry about? To you I say, the dark side of ADHD has a bright side.
The CDC says that teenagers ages 13-18 should sleep 8-10 hours every night.
Their bodies (and brains) need it.
So why don’t they go to sleep?!
Sleep defiance is a constant worry for parents of teens with ADHD because we see the effect of lack of sleep when they are moody and unfocused during the day… when they feel discouraged and uncooperative.
I was talking to my oldest son the other day, and he said, “I like to stay up because then I own my time – and 9 hours of the day, other people own my time- it’s called Revenge bedtime procrastination.”
So helpful! I always dread telling my son about a change in plans. Excellent approach.
More Resources
Click below to find me on YouTube, and to listen to The Gradditude Show podcast.
